I'm 10 minutes away from home and there are no toilets in sight. It doesn't sound like very long but when you are desperate for the toilet it can seem an age. The realisation that there is no toilet for me to use only makes the desire to go stronger. The only thing I can do is walk home as fast as I can and pray that I don't shit my pants.
'Shit my pants' may seem a fairly uncouth and blunt phrase to use, perhaps 'lose control of my bowels' would have been more appropriate, but I want to address the issue frankly and, let's face it, that was the phrase playing over and over in my head, not the latter.
Anyway, I begin marching home at lightning speed, I considered paying for a taxi but being a student renders this option void. I clench my bum cheeks hoping that this will help in some way. I must have looked like some kind of injured penguin as I developed a semi-waddle from flexing peculiar muscle groups. My stomach starts growling and I fear it will push out something nasty. I don't want to soil myself, but I begin to feel it's one realistic outcome of the situation.
Eventually the door of my house is in sight. The sensation to go peaks and feels imminent. 'Not now, not when I'm so close.' I clench my bum cheeks tighter still and think 'the second I get through the door I'll dump my bag and go to the toilet.' The key goes in the lock, turns, and the door swings open. I go into my house and dump my bag, but do I go to the toilet? No. I turn on my laptop and the TV and walk away to give them time to load. I walk calmly upstairs, undress and put on pyjamas and dressing-gown. Five minutes pass before I go to the bathroom. I sit down to do my business and very little comes out. I am baffled. How can in less than ten minutes can I go from feeling like I'm about to shit myself to there not even really being a point in using the toilet? Cue frustration setting in.
I assume that I am not alone in this experience. Surely other IBS sufferers go through similar things? Knowing this is still no consolation though. I still get frustrated when it happens. This all happened today and inspired me to begin writing this blog. I thought if I put things down on cyber paper it would help me to explore my IBS and see it for what it really is. Possibly someone else with IBS might even read this and feel less alone? I don't know, all I'm sure of is that sometimes my digestive system can be a pain in the ass (no pun intended).
just found your blog after just realizing TODAY that I'm almost positive I have IBS - been suffering for 25 years with this. I have hit rock bottom. I'm an emotional mess... *sigh*
ReplyDeleteFound your blog today. I'm having a rough patch with my IBS. Hoping that's all it is. Feeling on the mend but eggs,pizza, and lettuce seem to be setting it off. Maddening... last night I had a big cut of fried pork steak with rice and soup... woke up with a perfect bm... and cramping after eating chicken, and salad. Then more cramping after eating some good quality pizza >.< It's puzzling and slippery. I left the house last week to go shopping... got to the store... felt like I had to go then rushed home... and the urge had disappeared. It's terrible. I try to keep myself positive in my own blog, but it's cool that you're going for this to help understand this monster. I think I've always had IBS, even when I was a child, some nights I would stay up all night with stomach aches that weren't viral or bacterial. Or need to go to the bathroom when I was nervous. I just get more and more sensitive >.< and sometimes I get mysteriously better.
ReplyDeleteIf you'd like a guest blog I'd be happy to write one :)
-Malia-
Cindy- remember you're not alone and there are loads of different things that can help relieve the symptoms a bit.
ReplyDeleteMalia - have you tried a food diary? I can't have dairy or fast food. If I'm having a really bad patch I stick to toast and pasta with plain tomato sauce. Also, what's a guest blog? I'm new to all this.